I put the func in function

First, I love when one still has a smile on their face after reading something sweet or talking to someone...it really shows that you are taken by the situation.

Back in Omaha...I'm pretty sure it is this city that sucks the motivation from me. Still working on my evidence table that is due in 8 hours. It's not looking so good.

Enough time wasting---will post soon.

HOLLER.

Here...have an oosik

What is an oosik you ask? It is a walrus baculum (penis bone). Did you know, that people actual buy these from craft shows? HA...strange. What can you do with a walrus penis? Better...What would you do for a walrus penis? Kind of like the jingle "what would you do ooo ooo for a Klondike Bar?"

Wrapping up my stay in AK...Only 1 week left (weird). The time started passing quickly when I decided to join a dating website to fill my extra time. I went on a LOT of dates. Wowwy wee wah. Who knew AK had so many eligible men? And these men are not just run of the mill bottom of the barrel scrapings; they are legitimately decent/awesome guys. Ironically enough, all of the guys I went out with, with the exception of 1, are from the midwest. Why don't they live in the midwest. All the guys in the midwest that I've come across on this website are d-bags to the MAX. Why are the "good" midwestern men moving out of the lower 48? Am I missing something? I have actually contemplated moving to AK for a brief stint after graduation...it is TOTALLY awesome here. So much to see and do.

Graduation...ugh. Don't get me wrong, I'm more than ready to graduate...but what happens after graduation? Again, I'm dragging my heels. I need to make a decision and I just can't. It is such a huge commitment and I'm finding more and more that I am a total phobe of it. On top of my commitment issues are the deep seeded feelings of inadequacy related to joining my profession as an actual occupational therapist...ex: I'll be so unprepared to enter the workforce; why would anyone trust my opinion; there is so much that I don't know; and the list could go on and on...I am ABSOLUTELY terrified that I'll suck at my job when I start; not having a supervisor for the regular checks and balances, totally on my own (freaky).

Okay, that's enough...I took you from walrus peni to fear.

HOLLER.

Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart? You should try sleeping in my bed...

Alicia Keys and I are on the same page when it comes to her latest album out. Wowza! Seems like every song is speaking to me specifically.

Two weeks into the last rotation and time seems to be creeping along. Would you understand what I meant if I said that the days move so slowly but I feel like I'm reeling, out of control toward the unknown? It feels as if I have been in Alaska for months and it has only been 2 weeks. Maybe that is because I have been holding onto something that I didn't want to lose so tightly that my figurative "heels" have been digging into the ground and keeping me from moving forward. For me, maybe Labor day is not only signifying the end of summer, but also the end of letting things/people hold me back. Even if not, I think I'm going to believe that is the case.

Something completely unrelated but nonetheless something to ponder...why do we call dried grapes raisins but we call all other dried fruit by their name with "dried" in front of it? Like: dried apples, or dried pineapple, dried mangoes...Why are grapes special? Why does their dry counterpart get a separate name? I've been trying to figure this out for the past couple of days, but I cannot come up with a solid reason.

This post is fairly boring so I'll try to liven up the next one.

HOLLER

You spin my head right round, like a record baby

Yatzee! my head is spinning. So much going on in my head the past couple of weeks, really struggling.

Why is it that all of the best foods are shaped like penises? Popsicles, corn dogs, churros, burritos, hot dogs/brats, bananas. (Well, actually I don't really think any of these foods are the best foods. I just like this line from Superbad)

So today, I'm going to write about a submitted topic: Why don't fish eat/take calcium? Because their bones suck!

Fish bones do suck! They break really easily, very brittle. You would think that something that they eat in the water would make the bones stronger. On the other hand though...if they had thicker bones, they would be heavier and thus make swimming very taxing for their small frames. I think it would be pretty sweet to ride a fish under water. I mean how awesome would it be if you could hold on to a fish's tail and just by holding their tail you grow gills so that you can breathe under water and then they could take you on tours of underwater attractions. (run-on sentence that does not make any logical sense, check.) If that was the case though, the fishs' bones would need to be much stronger to carry around gigantar humans.

I'm going to be done for now...I'm not feeling this post and need to get my head in the right place before I write anything that could be half way amusing.

HOLLER.

Call me, beep me, if you want to reach me

I am a magnet for unavailable men. The most recent addition to the list, married man with wife and child sends me a facebook message with his phone number and this statement: "It's stupid that I'm sending this. If you want to, text me. ASAP. ;)" WHYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I'm seriously going to freak out soon if this keeps happening...happy valentines day (sent with a picture of a rose, while laying in bed with his girlfriend)...text message: "a rose for you"(hand drawn and all)... I'm calling you and not my girlfriend while I'm out of town for 6 days and she is mad that I didn't call her...I don't like that guy you're talking to and I don't want you to date him, but I don't want to date you...its seriously been a case of me being that guy and being insensitive and inconsiderate, I just have a lot of family issues I need to sort out before I can start dating anyone...do you want to go on spring break with me to Oregon? (two weeks later) Oh wait, you can't go, your spring break is a different week than mine (when really it wasn't different and I told him it wasn't different and then he cut all contact with me)...I like you a lot (pause pause pause) but as a friend (that's why I've been spending so much time with you for the past 8 months)... and the list goes on


REALLY??!!!??! Oh well, good thing I move a lot. I did meet this man last night, we'll call him Jason*, he said that even though I'm moving in 3.5 days he wants to hang out and get to know one another. I figure why not hang out and get a few free drinks out of it right?  OR maybe I should hibernate from the dating scene for about another 25 years and then just be a cougar and go after younger men.


I can't believe it! only 3.5 days left in this city :) Excited to see friends and family in just a short week! Sorry for venting in this post, just needed to freak out for  a minute.


HOLLER


*indicates name change to protect identity

Where the water flows like wine

Well, it's been more than a month since my last post and I must apologize for that...Especially since my life has been one boring piece of crap for the past month. Maybe I shall blame my lack of blogging on the lack of excitement in my life...no?

Welp, I still don't know how to use this blessed computer, except typing (but I'm pretty sure I could do that on a typewriter). So, I'm sitting here in this new establishment that I decided to try out tonight (Mo' Joe Coffeehouse), and one of my fave songs just came on Pandora on the Keith Sweat radio station!!! Nobody, by Keith Sweat, ft Athena Cage (flippin' sweet!). Here is an excerpt of Athena's part:

"I want the night
For me and you
So come here baby
And let me do it to you

Don't be afraid
'Cuz I won't bite
I promise to give it to you
Just the way you like."


I actually sang this song at karaoke with a hot man in CA last summer, his name was Chris...and he sounded JUST like Keith Sweat (it was hot). 


Sorry for the sidebar...tonight's topic is going to be about mint flavored things. One of my friends wishes that mint toothpicks actually had lasting mint flavor. I'm not really sure if it is just with toothpicks...but she stated, "I ALWAYS have a residual wood taste in my mouth." To me, this statement could work in a variety or situations (well, maybe just two situations: toothpicks and...you can use your imagination). 


In the toothpick scenario (I like to pronounce this word like sin-ahhh-reee-o, think phonetically), I totally agree with the mint flavor that leaves something to be desired. The mint doesn't last past the first lick. Now mint flavored glue on envelopes (ahhhnnn-vel-opes), is the best! I hate licking envelopes that are just glue flavored, two words: effing gross. Mint flavored toothpaste and gum are both great options too. I used some nasty Aquafresh toothpaste that had an orange-mint flavor; horrible idea. So now I just stick with brilliant sparkle by Arm and Hammer, the mint is just so...so...zesty! 


I've heard of people using mint flavored lube for things, but I don't do that...so I'll have to let you know if I ever test it out. hahaha. 


I like this new little coffee establishment, but there was just a group of hoodrats in here that acted like they've never drank water before. They finished off one of the pitchers of water, so I went to ask the worker girl to refill it. She brought it back out and they ran over to it and tried to get water before me. Then they finished off the pitcher of water again within 3 minutes. Creepy freaks (I should be nice...but they were creeping me out, I'm glad they went outside).


I think that is all for now.


HOLLER.

Under my um--berella...Ay, ay, ay...My um--berella.

Not really sure why I'm so tired...went to run some errands and suddenly started feeling horrible. I came home and fell asleep for like 5 hours (and that is after I slept 7 hours last night with a 2 hour nap earlier in the day).

Now that I'm awake...what shall I ramble about? Commercials, pretzels, and umbrellas. BTW, I coming to you from a new computer, one that I don't know how to use.

I hate commercials, unless they are hilarious. But how many commercials are actually funny? I could probably count only a few (the Staples commercials "WOW, That's a low price!" the OLD Spice commercials "Look at me, look at your man, now back at me." or skittles commercials "singing rabbit"). I would much rather watch a show on tv for 21 minutes straight than watch a show for 30 minutes with commercials.

Have you ever seen a gold pretzel shaped pendant on a necklace? It looks interesting. I might wear something like that, but where would you buy it? I'm watching a Sex in the City marathon on TBS, Carrie was wearing the pretzel. I don't really like pretzels that much in real life though. They just really make my mouth super dry. I do however like the Rold Gold Honey Wheat twists dipped in Nutella. Unfortunately, the Nutella is counterintuitive to eating pretzels (i.e. trying to eat a healthy snacked but dipping it into a vat of fat).

I was sitting at a baseball game in the pouring rain the other day; it was freezing probably secondary to being soaking wet underneath my shitty umbrella. It would have been big enough for me alone, but I was sharing it with someone and they didn't have an umbrella. Anyway, the reason I am discussing this is because there was a guy there a few rows ahead of me who kept singing Rihanna's "Umbrella" over and over again. Wasn't that song from like 4 years ago? I mean, give me a break...one time was bad enough, but he probably "sung" it about 7 times. douche. Again, back to Sex in the City--Carrie was carrying a gigantar clear plastic umbrella. Now that is exactly what I need, or a golf umbrella. This is completely unrelated (well probably not completely unrelated, but unrelated to umbrellas), Carrie always wears a "Carrie" gold necklace...I want that necklace in my name. I just really like it, kind of trashly looking, but cute.

Sorry its been awhile since my last post...busy busy. Hopefully, it will be a quicker turn around this time.

HOLLER.

Tigers love pepper...They HATE cinnamon!

I'm feeling a little scattered tonight, so I'm going to share my thoughts on a few different topics: blue pens, free-for-all seating, and pressure ulcers.

1. Blue pens: Actually, I like any pen that is not black. If you are writing on a page that has something printed on it, more often than not, it is in black ink. If you use a black pen, it just blends in with the background. Call me penist (racist, but for pens), but personally, I like to be able to have my nice penmanship stand out off of the page. I really do like blue pens best though. Especially blue pens that have a really rich royal blue color. My favorite type of pen is actually a felt-tipped marker made by papermate. They are pretty much thebomb.com. The markers come in a wide variety of colors and really tickle my fancy when I am getting ready to write something important. Stuff like lists, thank-you notes, cards, writing in my planner, etc. If a blue pen is available and someone hands me a black pen, I will usually ask for a blue pen. I know, it sounds kind of weird, but hey...what you see is what you get.

2.Free-for-all seating: I'm talking about Southwest Airlines. While I understand the premise of it...I do not like it, AT ALL. If I am sitting on a flight and am assigned to sit next to someone that is fine, but when you are sitting in a row by yourself on an empty flight and you are one of the last people on board AND there are about 5 row completely empty and someone chooses to sit next to you= ANNOYING. I'm sorry lady, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to sit near you, and I definitely don't want to pretend that I'm interested in your lame ass stories. This sounds super harsh...but the only 2 times I actually want to talk to someone on a flight is if a) I know them or  b) they are super duper fly (AKA hot). Free-for-all seating needs to be eliminated...I'd rather take my chances being assigned a seat next to a hot man.

3. Have you ever wondered about pressure ulcers, or bed sores? What if I did not perform pressure relief, even though I am perfectly able. I've been sitting on my couch in the same position for about 10 minutes and I'm starting to get a tingling sensation on my sacrum. I've been contemplating not moving just to see what happens. It is actually starting to hurt a little bit. Okay, so I moved because it was starting to be unbearable. Do we really move enough in our sleep to not get pressure sores? Sometimes I fall asleep or pass out in one position and wake up in the same spot. How come I do not have pressure sores from that? Here is a picture of a pressure ulcer:

And this one is not even a bad one. (courtesy of google images)

One more thing...I added Geovany Soto (the Chicago Cubs catcher) as a friend on facebook. He is super duper fly. I would love to sit next to him on a flight. I'm not even sure if I added the right person as my friend being that I had a couple of options to choose from. We'll see if he adds me...keep your fingers crossed :)

HOLLER!

What is the difference between jelly and jam?

I can't jam a...nevermind. For some reason, this joke will not get out of my head. It has become my new "that's what she said..." I talk about jamming and jellying all over the place and most of the time it makes no sense whatsoever.

What is brown and rhymes with snoop?

POOP! not really, the answer is Dr. Dre... :)

But, since you were thinking of poop and "jamming/jellying" makes me think of poop, I might as well talk about it. A friend asked me yesterday, "What is the difference between a dog's poop and a human's poop?"  "Why do humans have to wipe and dogs don't? Especially since dogs have fur"...I believe that this is a fantastic question!

Isn't the mechanism of action the same for both dogs and humans? Is dog poop harder? or does dog food make dog poop more greasy or slippery as to come out without having to wipe? If this is the case, why do they not make human food like dog food? If humans didn't wipe initially, would there be a need? because wiping seems to make things worse sometimes.

Sorry for taking up your time if you are grossed out by this shitty topic :)

While I do not have the answers...I believe that people should be aware of something that could greatly impact the environment...no longer having to use toilet paper! Just think about all the trees that we could save by not wiping!

HOLLER.

Taking a little tiger snooze

In an attempt to avoid doing homework for the next few minutes, I figured I would write a little bit about how I feel about snoozing. Especially since today was such a difficult day to get out of bed. Daylight savings didn't bother me yesterday, being that I forgot about it until I woke up thinking that I had slept in pretty late. Wrong. For some reason knowing that it was daylight savings all day yesterday made me tired today. So, I would definitely love to take a little tiger snooze right now. But that is not possible due to the copious amount of homework that I have to complete tonight.

Have you ever wondered why the snooze setting on alarms is pre-set? Some have it set for 5 minutes, some 10 minutes; my alarm is 9 minutes. Why 9 minutes? Why not 11 minutes? Personally, I think that one should be able to set their own snooze length. For instance, some days I may think that I will only need 5 minutes of snoozing the next day but other days I may need 20 minutes of snoozing. I mean, I set my alarm at night based upon how tired I am and how many snoozes I can get in before I actually have to get out of bed. This morning was 5 rounds of hitting snooze while most days I don't need much more than 1 snooze.

I think that whoever creates an alarm clock where the user can set the length of their own snooze will be a millionaire. Well, maybe not a millionaire...but people will think they are a genius AND I am totally cool with them taking credit for my idea. That's what Johnson & Johnson did with my idea to make different skin toned band-aids. I think that they took credit to avoid being sued by my litigious ass for being culturally insensitive. If you think about it, I could sue bra and underwear companies that make "nude" bras and underwear because, I'm sorry, but no matter what I do to my skin (unless I'm Michael Jackson) my nude will never be their nude. BUT this is a completely different topic in itself, so I will sign off and let you digest my deep insights into snooze setting.

HOLLER.

Country Grammar

So, it's been far too long since my last post. But, hopefully this one will not disappoint. I have many pet peeves, but I think one of the greatest is poor spelling and grammar.

Top Ten list of most disliked spelling and phrases (from bad to worst)
10. Mixing up their, there, and they're
9. Mixing up you're and your
8. Mixing up to, two, and too. Do people really not understand this concept? too: meaning as well or also. two: meaning 2, the number. to: meaning from point A to point B. (enough said)
7. Mixing up affect and effect
6. When the word cotton is misspelled not once, but twice by medical students in a mass email as "cotten."
5. "Black Talk" saying words like ask or escape and replacing the 's' sound with an 'x' sound
4. More "Black Talk" (aka-ebonics) replacing 'g' with an 'f' sound. Hello? Does this make any damn sense?
3. One more instance of ebonics...adding 's' onto the end of words that are not plural. For instance: moms, hecks yeah, hells yeah, etc.
2. When asking or answering a question, saying, "I was going to say..." Really? You weren't "going to say" because you are currently saying it right now. I have a couple of people in mind and they just bug the shit out of me.
1. Saying, "that's a whole nother story." I'm sorry, is "nother" a word? Yeah, I didn't think so. Instead, let's try saying "mmm...That is a completely different story," or, "That is another story."

I hear and see many of these examples since I am in school and work at a high school part time. I don't let it rile me up too much, but sometimes it just gets old. Especially when it is someone that you know has learned to speak properly (i.e. my wanna' be thug cousins).

Why do perfectly intelligent individuals choose to sound so ignorant? It is a mystery to me.

HOLLER.

Jizz in my pants...

I have not forgotten to post...I just haven't had time as of late. check back soon for a new rambling.

Another one bites the dust

Not such a great song, but exactly how I feel about people in my life. Why do people not understand the basic tenets of friendship? Why can't people differentiate between personal feelings about an issue and saying something bad about someone else? One step further, why do people think that a private conversation, also known as venting, is sharable information? I guess my parents just taught me how to treat people. Unfortunately, (maybe fortunately) they also taught me how I should expect to be treated, i.e. being upset when someone betrays your trust, puts you down or says mean things to you. Sorry, I've wasted enough of your time about that. NEXT.

Have you ever wondered why/how things taste like something else smells? I find it to be quite odd. I can't think of anything off the top of my head, but you have to know what I'm talking about. Well, maybe a buttered popcorn flavored jelly bean tastes like vomit smells. I don't really know since I've never subjected myself to a buttered popcorn flavored jelly bean, but I can only imagine.

I don't really have much to talk about today as I did not prepare a topic prior to signing in. SO, you are reading my scattered thoughts on a Tuesday afternoon in research class. As you can tell I am completely engrossed in class.

HOLLER.

When keeping it real goes wrong

Welp,

Day three post stair falling incident. Still in pain, still wondering if I should seek professional help. If I had been living in my second life, I wouldn't have fallen because I would either have been flying or sitting in my apartment; not walking down the stairs.

Second Life= weird shit...first off, they won't let you use your real name. Probably because of the crazies out there that would probably try to find you in first life (real life). My avatar's name: Buff Kling. She kind of looked like me, but her skin was probably a bit darker. I couldn't figure out how to bleach her skin. Second, it is like SIMS but it is streaming live and you can interact with other people via voice chat, typing, or even better pressing a button that says pre-set phrases. Phrases like..."Lookin' Good!" or "Excuse me." The best part about it is you can fly over the ocean and islands just appear under you. You can also walk under the water and not drown. But for some reason, call me crazy, I feel like I'm going to drown when I try to walk below the water. It is anxiety inducing, actually. Here is the kicker, in Super Mario Brothers I never once felt like I couldn't breath when I was swimming under water for extended periods of time. So what's the scoop? Why do I feel like my avatar is going to die?

If you haven't created a free Second Life account, I totally suggest it :) I mean who doesn't want to sit in their apartment or home all day interacting with other people who never leave their home? I need to spend some more time with it, as I find it difficult to figure out how to make money and buy property (you know, making my own niche) in the land of Second Life. On a related note, there was a Law and Order: SVU about Second Life where this guy met all of his rape/murder victims in Second Life. Kind of creepy...Hope no one target's Buffy Kling, I don't know what I would do. Probably try and fly, but then realize that I'm living in first life and that Second Life isn't real.

On a more serious note, I just want to acknowledge the untimely death of a young woman at my school. It is so sad, and my thoughts and prayers have been with her and her family. I didn't know her personally, but I knew exactly who she was. It makes my heart hurt. I'm so sorry for her family's loss.

HOLLER!

Turning Japenese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so...

I came to a revelation today...I only have a few classes that make me think while in class, but all of the professors instill in me a desire to be supercalifragilistic.  I'm thinking that I should propose to the department that the majority of our classes be switched to independent study where we can ask questions as we come upon road blocks. Instead of spending 3 hours/week talking about how to complete all of our major projects or 3 hours/week talking about other people's questions for a speicific assignment. It's just a thought, but they probably won't go for it. I would imagine that doing so would decrease the need for professors and thus, decrease the cost of tuition. They would NEVER decrease tuition, but I might actually pay more to not have to spend so much time in the class room learning about...wait, not learning about anything.

On another subject, I really like ice water. Not just ice cold water, but water with ice in it. I love that our cafeteria has an ice making machine, that is open to student use. Awesomenousity!

Okay, thats enough. HOLLER.

Things that make you go hmmmm...

Welcome to my first post :)

There are so many things in life that make me go hmmm...For instance:

1. why Nebraska doesn't require driver's education
2. why people live in the midwest during winter
3. why astrological signs have a tendency to be fairly correct
4. why people like salt water taffy
5. why mommy dearest didn't like wire hangers.

If anyone could give me a good explanation for any of the aforementioned befuddlements (is that a word?), I would be forever indebted to you. Well, maybe not forever...but you can have a dollar of my first paycheck next year.

Anyhooter, I thought it would be a good outlet for me to start typing about useless and maybe even useful topics in my life. SO, since my birthday is in a day, I figure that there is no better time than the present to start something new. Who knows, this may be just what I need to get me to graduation. only 321 days...Not that I'm counting or anything. I've just spent the past 20 years in school.

HOLLER