AND I'm back...to Alaska and to blogging
I think it's about time I get back into writing. It's been a little over a year since my last post and what a year it has been.
1 new car
1 board exam
1 NBA basketball game
1 trip to San Francisco
1 visit to the Redwood Forest
1 bachelorette party
1 amusement park
1 horrible break-up
1 sky dive
1 survival of a fall from 14,000ft
5 road trips
1 new graduate school acceptance
etc, etc, etc...
So much has happened this year. Good, bad, awesome, and ugly. I'm in a horrible and good place all at once. I know this blog is normally reserved for the nonsense that occurs in my brain, but I've been feeling like this for a long time...(since July 24th to be exact, with the exception of August 7th)
I hate this. This picture was taken 2 months ago. Why am I still at these feelings with all of the excellent things going on in my life? Maybe it is all of the failed relationships (friendship and the like) that I have had over the years building up and weighing on my heart. I'm tired of being pushed aside, forgotten about. I'm tired of being disrespected and mistreated. I "rejoined" the dating website once I returned to Alaska to try to 'move on' with my life. Unfortunately, I don't want to move forward. I want what I had and I am stuck in purgatory, on earth, because of it. Every person I have encountered have been people that I don't want to have any type of relations with, maybe the people that I would 'click' with can sense my lack of availability.
I'm sorry for the depressing post...but I'm pretty sure that no one ever checks this anymore. Hopefully, writing about this will help me heal. If you are checking this, bear with me...I'm really trying to be happy again, instead of just pretending. It's just so hard...I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss what "could have been." I miss feeling happy and content with my life. I miss feeling sure of myself. I miss the days where someone else's actions did not affect me emotionally. I miss feeling confident. I miss feeling carefree. I miss feeling excitement at seeing someone special. I miss feeling respected and wanted.
I am thankful for my family and friends. I am thankful for my education. I am thankful for having a job, a roof over my head, and food in my fridge. I am thankful for all of the people that have reached out to me to try to make this time of my life a little easier. I am thankful for the time I was able to spend with my sister. I am thankful for my life and my health. I am thankful for my friends, near and far. I am thankful for every day I am given.
All right, that is enough.