Saturday, March 20, 2010

What is the difference between jelly and jam?

I can't jam a...nevermind. For some reason, this joke will not get out of my head. It has become my new "that's what she said..." I talk about jamming and jellying all over the place and most of the time it makes no sense whatsoever.

What is brown and rhymes with snoop?

POOP! not really, the answer is Dr. Dre... :)

But, since you were thinking of poop and "jamming/jellying" makes me think of poop, I might as well talk about it. A friend asked me yesterday, "What is the difference between a dog's poop and a human's poop?"  "Why do humans have to wipe and dogs don't? Especially since dogs have fur"...I believe that this is a fantastic question!

Isn't the mechanism of action the same for both dogs and humans? Is dog poop harder? or does dog food make dog poop more greasy or slippery as to come out without having to wipe? If this is the case, why do they not make human food like dog food? If humans didn't wipe initially, would there be a need? because wiping seems to make things worse sometimes.

Sorry for taking up your time if you are grossed out by this shitty topic :)

While I do not have the answers...I believe that people should be aware of something that could greatly impact the longer having to use toilet paper! Just think about all the trees that we could save by not wiping!


Monday, March 15, 2010

Taking a little tiger snooze

In an attempt to avoid doing homework for the next few minutes, I figured I would write a little bit about how I feel about snoozing. Especially since today was such a difficult day to get out of bed. Daylight savings didn't bother me yesterday, being that I forgot about it until I woke up thinking that I had slept in pretty late. Wrong. For some reason knowing that it was daylight savings all day yesterday made me tired today. So, I would definitely love to take a little tiger snooze right now. But that is not possible due to the copious amount of homework that I have to complete tonight.

Have you ever wondered why the snooze setting on alarms is pre-set? Some have it set for 5 minutes, some 10 minutes; my alarm is 9 minutes. Why 9 minutes? Why not 11 minutes? Personally, I think that one should be able to set their own snooze length. For instance, some days I may think that I will only need 5 minutes of snoozing the next day but other days I may need 20 minutes of snoozing. I mean, I set my alarm at night based upon how tired I am and how many snoozes I can get in before I actually have to get out of bed. This morning was 5 rounds of hitting snooze while most days I don't need much more than 1 snooze.

I think that whoever creates an alarm clock where the user can set the length of their own snooze will be a millionaire. Well, maybe not a millionaire...but people will think they are a genius AND I am totally cool with them taking credit for my idea. That's what Johnson & Johnson did with my idea to make different skin toned band-aids. I think that they took credit to avoid being sued by my litigious ass for being culturally insensitive. If you think about it, I could sue bra and underwear companies that make "nude" bras and underwear because, I'm sorry, but no matter what I do to my skin (unless I'm Michael Jackson) my nude will never be their nude. BUT this is a completely different topic in itself, so I will sign off and let you digest my deep insights into snooze setting.


Thursday, March 11, 2010

Country Grammar

So, it's been far too long since my last post. But, hopefully this one will not disappoint. I have many pet peeves, but I think one of the greatest is poor spelling and grammar.

Top Ten list of most disliked spelling and phrases (from bad to worst)
10. Mixing up their, there, and they're
9. Mixing up you're and your
8. Mixing up to, two, and too. Do people really not understand this concept? too: meaning as well or also. two: meaning 2, the number. to: meaning from point A to point B. (enough said)
7. Mixing up affect and effect
6. When the word cotton is misspelled not once, but twice by medical students in a mass email as "cotten."
5. "Black Talk" saying words like ask or escape and replacing the 's' sound with an 'x' sound
4. More "Black Talk" (aka-ebonics) replacing 'g' with an 'f' sound. Hello? Does this make any damn sense?
3. One more instance of ebonics...adding 's' onto the end of words that are not plural. For instance: moms, hecks yeah, hells yeah, etc.
2. When asking or answering a question, saying, "I was going to say..." Really? You weren't "going to say" because you are currently saying it right now. I have a couple of people in mind and they just bug the shit out of me.
1. Saying, "that's a whole nother story." I'm sorry, is "nother" a word? Yeah, I didn't think so. Instead, let's try saying "mmm...That is a completely different story," or, "That is another story."

I hear and see many of these examples since I am in school and work at a high school part time. I don't let it rile me up too much, but sometimes it just gets old. Especially when it is someone that you know has learned to speak properly (i.e. my wanna' be thug cousins).

Why do perfectly intelligent individuals choose to sound so ignorant? It is a mystery to me.


Monday, March 1, 2010

Jizz in my pants...

I have not forgotten to post...I just haven't had time as of late. check back soon for a new rambling.